“How was your day?”
“What would you like to eat?”
“Where are you off to?”
Simple questions… right?
For many neurodivergent tamariki, not always.
Instead of answering, they might look at you, nudge you, or say:
👉 “You tell them.”
And in that moment, it can easily be misunderstood as shyness, avoidance, or even rudeness.
But what’s really happening is something much deeper.
💭 When a Question Feels Like a Demand
For some neurodivergent children, being asked a direct question can feel like a big cognitive and emotional load.
In that moment, they might be:
- Managing sensory overwhelm
- Trying to interpret social expectations
- Searching for the “right” words
- Running low on energy after a full day
It’s not that they won’t answer.
It’s that sometimes… they simply can’t in that moment.
🌱 A Different Way to See It
When your child turns to you and says “you tell them,” they’re not avoiding something.
They’re showing you:
💚 You are their safe person
🌿 They trust you
⚓ You help them stay steady
Stepping in isn’t taking over.
It’s supporting regulation and connection.
✨ Small Ways to Support in the Moment
Here are a few gentle ways to support your child when questions feel overwhelming:
🗣️ Be their bridge – answer or support them when needed
🤝 Use inclusive language – “We’re feeling a bit tired today, aren’t we?”
⏳ Give time and space – not everything needs an immediate answer
💛 Reduce pressure – let them know it’s okay to get help
🌿 Focus on safety first – confidence grows from feeling safe, not pushed
🌈 A Note for Parents
If this is your child… you are not doing it wrong.
You are:
- Supporting them
- Protecting their energy
- Helping them navigate a world that can feel overwhelming
And that matters more than getting an answer to a question.
🌿 Want to Understand This More Deeply?
Holly shares a beautiful and insightful perspective on this topic, especially for parents, educators, and anyone supporting neurodivergent tamariki.
👉 Read the full article here on Whanau Compass: The demand of questions and the impact they can have.
